HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DONNA!!!!!!!

special shout out to my fellow "p", MS. STAR D!

i hope this is your most shakiest-n-bakiest birthday ever.

happy sexyback bday.

Man Steals Puppy By Putting It In His Pants

July 24, 2006 12:26 PM

Authorities are investigating a canine caper in Plantation, Florida -- a crime that was all caught on tape.

Security cameras caught a man walking around a pet store when he spotted a Maltese puppy he liked.

The man picked up the dog, stuffed it in his pants and walked out.

Store employees realized the puppy was missing soon after the dog-napper exited the store.

"We count the puppies every 15 to 20 minutes," said pet store owner Larry Silvey. "We check the cribs, and we realized the puppy was stolen, so we went back, checked on the camera, and there he was, stealing the puppy."

"I wish the guy was here right now," Silvey continued. "I would like to take care of him. Anybody who would steal a puppy is like hurting a child."

Plantation is located 29 miles north of Miami.

bloggers block!

yarrrgghh! must....find....something to write about!!! wahh.

i saw this the other day - beyonce's new song (i think) - "ring the alarm":

it's very interesting to me that her so-called fans are so up-in-arms about her latest incarnation. signing petitions to have her remake her videos and such? i mean, are you serious? get over yourselves, she's the artist, y'all are the fans.

in other news, my two/three weeks alone in the apartment are coming to an end. it's funny, i never realized how easily i can freak myself out when i'm by myself. i turn all (no really, ALL) the lights on, check around corners before turning them and play music constantly to avoid the all too frightening SILENCE. the other night at 2 am when my music stopped i could hear what sounded like an old timey radio broadcast of people chanting, "our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name..." the sound would fade in and out and when they were done with that, a man started preaching about the catholic church. i was sufficiently freaked out, images of the exorcism of emily rose running through my head. lame.

as for my game of "survivor", i must say i did decently, though i did cheat and buy dumplings and mac n cheese when i went to costco to get bottled water. i didn't eat out as much as i normally do, though, and i did end up a good deal of what was in the house. if this were a real competition, i wouldn't have even come close to winning, but i wouldn't have been the first to be voted off the island.

speaking of survivor, have you heard THIS juicy bit yet?? apparently, survivor is trying something new this season - splitting the competitors into tribes by their race. ...say WHAT?! i would go off, but it seems like sufficient well-worded vitriol has already been written by the professionals - here's a taste.

well, that's enough outta me for now. i'll come back funnier next time. promise.

oh and one more thing - please help us find a good dance party! and if not a party, then a place to hold a party cuz like, we got some grooves that need to be majorly GOTTEN ON.

fruity adventuring

i've never had amish food but apparently they are darn good makers of fruit twists (think Twizzlers, only softer and in an array of yummy flavors: including but not limited to grape, mango(?) and one aro has named "sunshine"). i am generally not a big fan of fruity candies, desserts, etc. as i prefer the real thing but these are snack-tastic. if you are ever in amish country, i suggest you snag a bag of Kenny's Twists... but you might want to avoid the white ones (coconut rarely ever translates well as a candy flavor).

had lunch with my kuya bentot for lunch yesterday. he moved to cali at the end of last year and was in town visiting. speaking of fruity adventuring, one of the funniest parts of our lunch was when he said: look at that guy, trying to make that bag look all butch - i have that bag!

to which, i looked and said: the way he is carrying it does not look butch at all.

in fact, the bag was flung over this guy's shoulder as he held it, supermodel-like, with his pointer and middle fingers AND it was a rainbow of fruit colors - very difficult to butchify.

my free conference work-bag looked manlier that that bag... i think i need a new bag.

bitten by the blogging bug

so after keeping this up for a week or two it seems as though i've been bitten by the proverbial blogging bug. i find myself constantly thinking about blogging. phrases/ideas that have been running through my mind:

- "oh yeah, i'd totally blog THAT."
- "that's blog worthy."
- or conversely, "that's seriously not blog worthy."
- buttons that say "bloggable", "you probably read my blog" and "blog THIS!"
- "it's the blogness!"

pathetic.

in other news, there has been so much bloggableness going on that i couldn't possibly document all of it. sadly, much of it slips away into the muddied waters of my forgetfulness. alas, alas, alas. but i guess i'll start off with the most important of the things i can remember:

1) bobby badfingers. what was america thinking by not voting him into the america's got talent final??! he didn't deserve to be grouped w/N'Versity - those skanky tone-deaf 16-yr olds! real quickly, can i just say that N'Versity is probably one of the stupidest things i have ever heard? they said that it was a combination of "unity" and "diversity". to that i say, maybe they should have taken some more time and gone with "Uni'Versity". anyway - bobby badfingers. how i regret not voting!

.
.
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i wrote the above on friday, and had to stop prematurely. i would attempt to continue it now, but i am unable to in my current incapacitated state. my apologies, gentle reader.

why incapacitated?
1) INSOMNIA - a combination of my general inability to sleep (and stay asleep) and the grudge 2 trailer. oh my feeble mind.
2) what's wrong with your eye?? - is this a sty or clogged pore? in either case, it's grossin me out and giving me a major headache.

is two points enough? i know every good list has three items. oh well.

i know i'm a little whiny today, but i'll end with this last thought: metro hell. having the express turned to the last page, sudoku and crossword puzzle teasing you to complete them, and then, reaching into your bag to realize YOU DON'T HAVE A PEN. wahh.

august-ness

august is gross in dc but there are a few good things to note:

1. my birthday. i know, too easy - that's why it's #1. unfortunately, must wait until the very END of august. but being the pinay that i am, you should never be afraid to party early and often.

2. kids start going back to school - which translates to fewer family trips (aka tourists) and, while i personally have nothing against tourists in general, having tourists in the summer in dc... is as bad as it sounds.

3. pre-season football! woo-hoo! which means, just around the corner i will be able to witness yet another season of wishing my niners back to glory. but really, the toughest part of football season in dc is that my sleep schedule gets thrown out of whack because there is Monday Night Football and now, SUNDAY Night Football.

i look forward to NBC and seeing my kooky uncle John - Madden, that is. while watching the game between the raiders and eagles sunday night, they described the process of making of the busts for the hall of fame and kooky uncle john talked about how he thinks the busts "talk to each other" when there is nobody else around. no one else can get away with that kookiness...

true, most kids nowadays only know him for the video games and as a sports commentator but i am happy that he was finally inducted into the football hall of fame. although i am a niners fan, i respect his accomplishments as a coach... and he grew up in daly city, california.

happy fried-day!

well, today was the last day for at least a month that i will eat fried food. i have that whole "health" thing to think about. it's so hard being me. also, i just thought it was necessary to share donna's genius pun of the day: fried-day. frieday? any way you slice it, it tastes goooood.

so, all y'all enjoy your popeye's and your five guys cajun fries. i'll be joining you soon enough. ;) call me in september.

in a related story: in an attempt to eat better and save some dough, i will be playing "survivor" in my apartment while joanna is out. this means i will only eat what is IN THE HOUSE for the next few weeks. no buying of groceries allowed! "survivor" is a good game to play every once in a while because it helps clean out your cupboards and pantries that are undoubtedly filled with stuff you never want to eat. this way, you get fed, your kitchen gets cleaned out and you don't have to feel guilty for having bought all that stuff. so, "survivior" it is. anybody wanna play with me? donna is the current "survivor" champion. she is a fierce* competitor. watch yo'self!

i'd also like to mention that today was august 8, 2006 aka 08/07/06. how cool! why is it that these kinds of things amuse me so?




*fierce in like the tyra banks america's next top model sense.

don't MAKE me turn you on!

today was joanna's last day working in our office. wahh. guess we'll find out (again) how much picking up the slack sucks. i just feel bad for sook-yi who was/is inundated with new stuff.

it's been, in some ways, a very fast week and in others, a very slooooow week. guess it depends on who you are and how much you hate 100+ degree weather and like 100% humidity. le sigh.

brilliant idea 2006: NAUGHTY-CALS nothing says "naughty" like sailing-themed unmentionables! a quick google search indicates that we're not the first ones to stumble upon this pun. nevertheless, our take is still unique, fun and fresh. i was going to post pictures of how pre-K.Fed Britney, J Lo, and Hillary Clinton all agree that naughty-cals are the only way to go, but it somehow felt a little smutty.

quote of the day: "...but i have the better view."

puns of the day:
D: could you turn that printer on?
A: *gyrates with so you think you can dance-quality in front of printer*
J: what kind of printer would that turn on?!
D: a color printer!

another for the list!

song in my head when i woke up this yesterday morning: "over my head (cable car)" by the fray. guess that's better than the other day when i woke up with rihanna's "unfaithful". do you think it means anything in particular when certain songs are with you from the very moment you wake up?

while we're talking about music, apparently my impersonation of shakira in "hips don't lie" sounds like ernie. yes, THAT ernie. shak-ernie, says D. be afraid. "rubber duckie don't lie, i'm startin' to feel it's right."

pun of the yesterday: D brought strawberries and cheese for lunch.
A: is your cheese smoky?
D: yeessss. and it's gouda.
A: aww man. that's NOT pun of the day, by the way.
D: very gouuuuda.
A: okay fine, maybe it is.

anyway, as for the "list" that i mentioned in the title, let's add Goodwill Guy to Cafeteria Man ("Just let me watch yo' figure!"), The Phlebotemist ("Don't go back to work - let me take you to lunch."), Pretty Feet! Guy ("Pretty feet!") and my all-time favorite, The African Prince ("You should let me take you to africa, and you can be my queen."). the best line Goodwill Guy had: "So, uh...is it hot enough for ya?" i give him a 4 out of 5 for effort and for working outside on these 100+ days.

in other news, i think this needs to be said: my name is april and i'm a puzzle-holic. it is bad that puzzle-ing is starting to adversely affect my work?

If your friend/co-worker/loved one is doing puzzles, the following areas of their life may be affected:

• Work performance. Your friend suddenly shows an active dislike for work, looks for excuses to stay home ("It's hot outside."), and experiences a drop in performance.
• Physical health. Listlessness and fatigue may indicate your friend/co-worker is doing puzzles.
• Money. Sudden requests for money without a reasonable explanation for its use may be a sign of puzzle-ing. You may discover money stolen from previously safe places. Items may disappear from your home because they're being sold to support a puzzle habit.

i'm not really sure where to go from here. perhaps my thirst will never be satiated until i help put THIS together.

donna told me about how she had a waitress who went by "Vana" (pron. "vonna"), short for "Nirvana". that's pretty cool, i thought, but what would make it better is if she went by "Nirvy". THAT, i think is the much better name. i can't wait until i have my two kids, Nirvana & Baltimore. or, as i will call them, Nirvy & Tim.

quote of the day: "when you know better, you do better!" - DLP

S'NOT quote of the day: "for days when you feel fat, just remember: keep moving. a body in motion is beauty in progress." - lame DJs on some DC station

exchange of the day: (perhaps not as funny in print)
A: i can't rememba.
D: did you say "caramba"? who are you, charo?
A: haha, on a good day.
D: charo. i'm not charo. notcharo.
A: hrmm. well, im rongero.

trying to catch me riding diiirty...

at target the other day, i went in looking for a shredder that was advertised on clearance and came out with sanitizing wipes… so, my apartment will still be full of the growing paper collection i have amassed over my near-decade (?!) here in dc but at least it will smell like a spring waterfall.

i must admit i was tempted to purchase pcd’s album, so i could riverdance to ‘buttons’ but i stopped myself. instead, i find myself perusing through the itunes site and bought my jam of the season:

ridin’ – chamillionaire & krayzie bone

this weekend, I pondered the origins of the name, chamillionare: was he trying to say chameleon+millionaire or caramel+millionaire or is his mom’s name Camille? just wondering.

monday metro-ride was delightfully uneventful. no pole-leaners, back-pack door-blockers, hairy-pit flashers, or rude people in general…amazing.

now, discussions of the day:

1) smellier chip flavor: spicy shrimp or sourcream and onion?
2) better on a prescription label: “may cause weight-gain” or “may cause fatness”?